I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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