hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
