I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
