so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
When did we convert life to cartoon?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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