Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
