Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
