Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
