so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize