i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
