hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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