i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
this is an emotional support booty call
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Congratulations! We have a period
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