i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
