he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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