i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
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No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
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Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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