can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
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