Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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