Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
