The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Found your dick twin last night
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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