After last night, I could never be a politician.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
