Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
