Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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