I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
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