I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
