FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I fill condoms, not promises.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
