A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I think I have vodka in my lungs
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Randomize
