he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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