his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
