wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
