I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
