Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I just forgot I was standing up.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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