She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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