Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
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