I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
