i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
