i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
a search helicopter?!
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
