Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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