The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
