All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
We need to rekindle our bromance
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
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