ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
