she looked like the before picture.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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