brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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