We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
