dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
