We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
