My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Randomize
