Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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