Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize