Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
