ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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