i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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