i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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