could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize