Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
you had me at cake vodka
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
