I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
