And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
