Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
