I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
