If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
