I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
