small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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