were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
