In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
