no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
